we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
