Jerry, you need to find god
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
