Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
