I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
