i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
