that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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