Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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