I'm going to jail i love you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
