i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
