Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
