It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
