I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
