just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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