A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
