Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
