I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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