I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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