i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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