OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
