I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
