that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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