Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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