im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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