why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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