swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
