The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
