I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
