he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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