break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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