No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
