why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
