haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
should my penis look like a turkey
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize
