Swine flu. Run for my life!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
