so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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