If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
