Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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