Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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