come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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