New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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