the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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