I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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