Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
