if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
