No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
