every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
