after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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