Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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