he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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