What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
