I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
