The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You're like the curious george of whores
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
