fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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