We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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