he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My ATM looks so different sober.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
