I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
