i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
