My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
