Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
