Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize