My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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