dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
