I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Im part way to drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
how drunk are you?
Several
where are my eyebrows?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
