If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
