I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
