who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
