I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
