I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
