Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
