my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
honey bunches of taint.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
