why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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